Sunday, December 30, 2018

The Split Year

Oh, hey half of 2018 (and all of 2017 tbh), you kind of were a challenge for me personally and I'm kind of giving parts of you the side-eye.

My anxiety was at an all time high.  I cut a lot of people out of my life and kept pretty much to my family and a few friends.  I scaled way back on social media and admittedly shared the most superfluous of things. 

I let people get in my head and a few off the cuff comments take root.  Whether it was real or my minds way of twisting things, it was what it was and I was left questioning my abilities and the things that I loved.

 I stopped writing which has always been an outlet for me.  I don't write for any other reason than to get things out, to share things I love.  I lost sight of that.  I may never have more than a few friends reading and that's all right by me. 

 I stopped running after Dopey.  Maybe it was because I did nothing but train for races for three years, maybe it was because I shifted my focus from loving the running to being something and someone I wasn't.  I'm not entirely sure, but I stopped and honestly, up until lately I haven't really missed it.

I stepped out of my comfort zone when I applied for and moved to a new role at the nine to five part of my world.  I decided that I could do more than what I felt like others thought I was capable of and sure enough I can.  That one small step changed everything for me. 

I have spent the last half of the year reclaiming me.  It has brought me much growth and the realization that the only person who really should be determining my worth and my abilities to do things I like to do, and things I want to do in my life is me. I figured out who were my friends and who most likely ranked me as just a number or a friend when it was convenient and adjusted my expectations accordingly. 

Once I got that sorted out the rest of my year started filling out.  I stopped talking about it  and  finallly applied to become a travel agent with Living With the Magic Vacations and launched my business in August. 

In September, I flew to Disney World by myself went to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party by myself and had a blast.  I lost my fear of "what will people think?" Will people think I have no friends, or that nobody wanted to spend time with me?  It no longer matters (or matters less). 

Here's my intent for 2019.  You can expect to see me more around these parts.  More about my travel business and any deals that come up.  More of my favorite nerds.  More of me not being afraid to be me because people might not get it. 

I'm declaring 2019 the year of "Do it Anyway." It's ok to be nervous, it's ok to be scared, but do it anyway.  Most likely it is not nearly as scary as I think. 

Who else is looking forward to 2019?  What are you most looking forward to in 2019?

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