Monday, November 5, 2018

This is 50

So this is 50 or 350 years in dog years as I was kind enough to point out to my Mom when she reached this new age. I always thought 50 was OLD.

I've always been embarrassed to share my age because well, honestly, I really don't know why.  I just was. 

I spent my twenties largely being stupid. Making poor choices and burning bridges. Believe me when I tell you that I am so thankful social media was not a thing.


I spent my thirties fighting myself, trying to smooth bridges and found my hockey nerd and settled down and had Mighty and Mini. 


I spent my forties in varying degrees of chaos.  It's the decade that I started to  narrow  down what I want to be  when I grow up. Because I'm not there yet. This last year has brought me growth and peace. 

Peace to be me and to thumb my nose at those who chose not to see my worth.  Rather than obsessing with the WHYS.
  
I have faced cancer, miscarriages and surgeries.  I have faced insecurity and anxiety.  I have earned my big ole forehead wrinkle and my crows feet.  

I can choose not to age quietly and protest my double chin, my occasional mustache and my puffy synthroid face. 

I will wear glitter, play with snapchat and have funky taste in hair color and do all the things that I'm not "supposed to do" because I have reached a new decade.  



I am stepping out, being brave and confronting my fears and doing what I want to be doing. Even if I am the only person who thinks I can do it.   

So this is 50, and I think I'm really going to like it here. 

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Take the Trip

There's this girl I know.  You might recognize her too. She loves her family something fierce, a large part of her social media feeds are of her family and maybe a selfie or fifty because, well she normally takes the pictures of everyone else.  

She works hard, plays equally as hard.  She is mom, chauffeur, counselor, physician.  Equal parts disciplinarian and comedian.  Attempts to keep schedules in her head and quite often makes mistakes. Boy does she ever make mistakes 

She used to have a hobby that she loved, that hobby would take her to fun destinations to meet friends for weekends here and there.  But this specific girl, lost her love for that activity.  Started thinking about the whole "you have eighteen summers" thing and upon realizing that she was getting closer to the smaller end of that countdown decided to take a break for a bit. 



You might have guessed it by now, this girl is me.  But really I think any Mom/parent/adult figure can see parts of themselves in varying degrees/aspects in my story.

I used to get so worked up leading to weekends without family that I couldn't sleep and would have panic attacks leading up to and during my trip. I was often asked about "leaving" my family on the regular.  I was met either with a hard judgey side-eye or a high five.  Neither of which should be warranted really. 



As I'm typing this I'm on a plane home from a crazy short weekend trip to where else? Orlando. 
I met a friend, mostly flew by the seats of our pants but I checked off an agenda that I had in my head, that I didn't even know that I had. 



I did a bunch of new things, revisited some old favorites.  Enjoyed amazing food and great company.   I'm coming home exhausted but recharged.  Relaxed but energized.  The best part anxiety and guilt over what other people think did not weigh me down. 


There will be more I want to share from this weekend.  But if you've gotten this far and see yourself in any of this, my recommendation is this, take the trip. 



Do you, be unabashedly you, the non-parental figure you, grab a friend and go have some fun.  It is so worth it.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Refocus

Hi! It might be time to reintroduce myself and why I'm here in my little corner of the Internet.


When I first started Suzanne Ran it was to chronicle my running journey. Then I got all wrapped in runDisney, new friends,  and other things I thought I wanted to write about and my focus changed.

None of the above are bad and change and new adventures are always good.  But I tried to turn myself into someone I wasn't and lost my voice and the fun of writing at the same time. The same could be said for my love of running too.  

I lost sight of me in the process. I was so concerned about how people perceived me and my faults that I forgot how I perceived myself was just as important. I found myself constantly apologizing for being quiet, being weird, being occasionally awkward or whatever.



Now that Mighty and Mini are older how can I expect them to embrace who they are and to do what they want to do, if I am not wiling to do the same myself? Every morning before Might is dropped off at school, I tell him to "focus, focus, focus, focus" and it's time for me to do the same thing. 

So here I am.  My name is Suzanne and I am the chief nerd and my family's biggest fan. 



I love Marvel in any incarnation, Star Wars and road trips. Road trips that often lead to Orlando and Universal and Disney World. My favorite place in the world right now other than my home is the Hard Rock Hotel Universal Orlando and the pool and its nachos bring me joy.




I can't say that I will write on any specific schedule.  I can't say what I will write about specifically  but I hope that you will stick around for  my thoughts on fandoms, family and fun.